Hot Horse

 

- So that's it. You don't love me anymore?  

-Not in a romantic way she says looking at her steering wheel. She sent me some text message about how this is the hardest thing she's ever had to do, but were just drifting apart and she wanted to break up. I got this text message while I was high as a motherfucker. There's nothing thatll ruin your trip more than your bird of 3 years breaking up with you over text. On the message she says she'll meet up with me so she can explain. I sat waiting for her to pick me up, she came, i got in and she drove, pulled up on some random layby. She didn't explain anything, just some bullshit about how sorry she was and didnt want t hurt me. As she said that I wanted to grab the hair at the back of her head and smash it into the steering wheel with the horn going every time, and her face swell like shes allergic to steering wheels.

But I just sit in silence. She's got all the power, it's her car were sat in. I should of picked her up. 

-So thats that I say looking forward. She replies yeah looking forward as well. Its probably f best I say, she doesn't reply, just nods. She starts to drive me home, past the woods we had sex in on are lunch in sixth form and the carpark where I told her I cheated on her, up the road we went the day she passed her driving test and past the bus stop where we first kissed. I wonder if she's thinking the same thing. Probably all the guys she can now shag. Her brains probably bursting with images of her getting fucked by guys with bigger dicks than mine, and do all the shit I refused to do, not just sexaully but go to fucking Primark every week cuz theyve brought out yet another alice in wonderland pajama set. Fuck that. And fuck her. 

This is probably the last time i'll be in this car. The last time ill be this close to her. But i'll probably bump into her in like 2 years with her new boyfriend. She pulls up outside mine. We both sit for a moment. 

- Well I guess thats that. I'll see you around jo 

I get out the car and dont wait for a response, walk into the house and dont look back. I peep out the window and watch her drive away. Shit. So this is what its like to be heartbroken. I don't have the capacity to deal with such emotions. Fuck it. I gotta get high. I text my dealer Dan and he comes over. Shuff and Quin are out so it's just me. The house seems quite. I sit on the sofa and watch pointless. Jo breaking up with me sort of came out of nowhere but also sort of didnt. I always thought it wasnt gonna last but in the last year or so yeah, maybe it would. She was the first girl id been with and I was her first as well.  We had similar interests, I could see myself living with her and spending the rest of my life with her. I didn't think she was the one. I don't think that really exists anyways but we had learned to get on well. I dont think i could of done any better than her. I was willing to cash out on my first girlfriend, she however doesn't share that sentiment. 

I hear a knock, it's Dan. As soon as I open the door its like Ive walked into an Amsterdam coffee shop. He's older than all us, dunno how old. Id say mid 30's but his scruffy appearance ages him 15 years. He has long hair and a long beard and always wears the same baseball cap with grey joggers. But he's a pal. He can tell I'm not me sen. 

- Fucking dumped me ant she

-What Jo?

- Yeah man 

-Shit, come on. I've got summet that'll make you feel better. he says as he taps his trouser pocket. We sit on the sofa and share a spliff. We always have two tho. I always wonder why he doesn't just roll 2 straight away and we smoke one each. But sharing a joint just makes the experience closer. ''Them two not in then?'' ''Nar at work innit''.

-So what happened with Jo then? as he lights up the joint, takes a puff and lets out the smoke lifting his head up. 

-Well she sent me a text sayin all this shit bout how its not working, we've drifted.

She sent you a fucking text? he says as his passing over the spliff. The fucking bitch. 

I know, we met up today. Went for a drive, and yeah. She ses she dunt love me anymore, Thats it. 

- Thats fucked mate. So like..how you feelin 

-I dunno. I'm just confused like. I dunno if i was ever in love with her, like did i stay with her cuz she was the first girl who would sleep with me? I really don't know. All I do know is that i'm angry. Just wanna smash some shit up. This shits helpin tho. 

- Yeah man, it does. I remember the first time I got my heart broken, I was like 17, i was seein this girl for about a year. I was savin up so we could get a flat together. Then one day she says she wants to end things. I was just so fucking pissed off, I ran home. Like 3 miles. Just sprinted the whole way back. Then I find out she was seeing someone else while with me and i was absolutly livid. So I was like im fucking avin the bitch. She had these horses that she loved. Wouldnt shut up about the bastards, she'd go twice a day, the fucking things. She'd ride them and they'd fling her off and stamp on her. She didnt give a fuck, carry on feeding the cunts and washing them. So I wait till like 4 in the mornin, all black clothes and get onto the field where they were. Can of petrol, chuck it over them, they kept on running away but i got it done. Two horses. Get a match and light the bastards up. lite the whole fucking field up. As I'm runnin away I can hear the horses screaming in pain. Horrible sounds. Anyways they both fuckin died. She had a funeral for them, can you believe that? A fucking funeral. I did the cremation for them anyways. But yah. Didnt get done, peice of piss. Jo doesn't have any horses does she? 

-No just a fish 

-Fuck. Could be Worth a go. But nar, Im done with that shit. I mean I'm glad I did it. It made me feel better at the time. If I could go back again maybe I just burn one of them. 

-Yeah but, the psychological damage the surviving horse would of been left with. Watchin its only horse friend burn to death in front of em. Wondering every night if you'll come back and finish him off. 

-Mate, its a fuckin horse. 

-Yeah true, im just really high

- Yeah me too said Dan laughing as he lights up the next joint. And don't be fuckin tellin anyone about this shit. Nobody would believe me if I did I tell em. 

We get even higher and watch the chase. We finish the joint and Dan leaves. I'm sat watching who wants to be a millionaire when shuff and Quin come home. We've lived together for a year. Shuffs sound but Quin can be abit of a dickhead. But he's a pal. Before I can turn from the TV Quin's startin.

-Your stoned as fuck mate. You got any left? I'm too high to respond. Take that as a no he ses. How'd it go wi Jo shuff says as he sits down. 

-Shit. I fill them in about whats happened. Quin actually starts bein alrate wi me fur once, wonder how long that's gonna last.

Fuck her Shuff ses, lets go out tonight. Yeah, Quint agrees, go on the pull.

I really cant be aresed. Nar im not feeling it lads i say. But they take no notice, Quint wont shut the fuck up and shuff joins in.' Your coming out, dunno why your arguing' they say.  Before I know it we've got a taxi, gone into town and the 3 of us stood in a dark club with the music ponding like a mother fucker. I had to shout into the ear of shuff for him to hear us

-Why the fuck we come in here? Do they know Abba made other songs apart from dancing queen? Cant we go to an alt club? Try and pull some goth girls or sommet? I wanna hear come heavy shit man. 

What? Shuff replies? Fuck me. 

'Why we come in here' 

-Quint said its the best place to pull shuff says as he points to Quin whos stood, head bopping to the music and looking out onto the dance floor. Quint points his finger to the dance floor indicating us to follow. We all bop are heads as we weave in and out the different groups of people, Quints leading the way and im at he back. I join the other two and there dancing with 3 girls. Theyve started dancin with the 2 best good looking ones, the girl im next to is alright. I mean id shag her, definetly. Were all dancing to all the pop songs. Every now and again one of us will try and get a bit closer to our dacning partner but their body language stats im okay where you are. We sing and dance through all the songs, bit of a oasis, and old school dance tracks. We all mouth the words together, I try and impress the girls that i know all the verses to wannabe by the spice girls but they know them all as well. Its been about half an hour and now im getting a sweat on. I think about asking the girl her name, or if she wanted to go to the smoking area but no time seems right. Quint is showing his phone to his girl. Showing her some sort of message. She nods her head and carries on dancing. A few more songs go by and were all still in the same postion we were when we first when on the dancefloor. The 3 girls all share words in each others ears, wave there hands with a smile and leave. We have to carry on dancing together like a bunch of gays. Fuck this, im getting a drink. I go to the bar and get a double vodka lemonade, down the fucker. Fuck this. Ive gotta pull. Or atleast I wanna know that i tried my dammed hardest to pull. Need more booze, I get 2 more double vodkas and rejoin the boys. I find them in the smoking area. Quints move to get talking to girls is to wait until he sees one pull out a fag and he runs over and offers them a light. Most of them say im alright as they pull out there own light. I dont wanna neck on with a bird with fag breath. But when push comes to shove, beggars cant be choosers. 

We get talking to this group of girls and guys about random shit. Shit no one will remember in the next 2 hours. I start to feel like shit. I keep puffing on my kiwi vape which doesnt help. I wanna lie down. Im probably gonna be sick. I quickly go back inside and into the toilet. Thank god theres a free cubical. As soon as i lock the door and turn around the condents of my stomach pours into the toilet, leaving my mouth with a acidic taste. I flush the toilet, it donest do much good cuz most of its gone on the floor. But I feel better. Alot better. I go to the bar, get a tap water to wash out the sick taste and go to the dance floor by myself. I dont need them to. All i want is to kiss a girl. If i can kiss a random girl I'll be sound, I'll be happy. I walking through the dance floor, enjoying the music, and looking at every girl i see to see if shes making eye contact with me. One does, she looks really good, i dunno what she looks like cuz im smashed, just really good. We both mouth the words to whatever Indie or Pop song is on. Its now or never. We were dancing together for around 25 seconds, i pull her towards me put my mouth up to her ear. 'Your gorgeous' 'Thank you 'she says back to me in a slurred manor. 'can i have a kiss?' She looks at me and smiles 'Yeah if you want' She turns her head to the side for me to kiss her cheek, but i turn my head and go for the lips, shes into it and kisses me back. She pulls away. A tall guy she obvsiliy knows pulls her away and into the group of people she probably came with. If I could be arsed I'd go up to him and see what the crack was, in a friendly manor like but with a hint of aggression. But i got a kiss, fuck it, quit while im a head. 

I go back to the smoking area. Quint and Shuff are talking to a different group of people. 

-Where the fuck uv you been quint says. 

-Throwing up in toilet then i was necking off with this bird. i could see the jealousy in his face. 

Shuff introduces us to the people there with. This is Emma, a big girl but not too big to fuck. If i was sober id probably pass but im not. Emily, a girl id definelty fuck, sober and drunk, Lilly who looked like Emily but with brown hair instead of blonde. And a their mate a camp gay called Jordan.

Everyone's talking, I'm just hitting the vape and thinking about Jo and wondering what's she doing. The fit girl emily comes up to us and we start talking about KFC and bond over our mutual love of the gravy. Quin pipes up and says 'why don't you all come back ours'? Thats probably the best thing hes ever said. 

We're all on our way back. I'm still talking to the lass but the fit ones stop and decide to go home. Its getting late she says, bye and we wave are hands. Should of got her number. Fuck.